‘Women suffering abuse should be encouraged to speak out’

In recent times, there have been stories flying around of persons suffering domestic problems and ending up losing their lives as a consequence of the practice which has been at the centre of many untimely deaths and morbidity. This naturally raises the question as to why those who suffer from such abuses adamantly remain in such demoralising and toxic marriages even when it is clear that it is no longer working.

Is religion playing a major role making partners to still remain in such relationships that is causing them harm? It is no secret that many people in such relationships take advice from people who they see as their spiritual leaders and most times their belief for choosing not to quit is based on Bible teachings which does not support divorce except on the grounds of adultery.

The most recent of a related instance has been the case of the Gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu, who allegedly lost her life due to domestic violence. The cause of the death of the singer, which was initially alleged to be due to cancer of the throat, was later revealed by her elder sister, Ms. Favour Made, to be as a result of a cluster of blood in her chest from a kick to her chest she allegedly received from her husband, Mr. Peter Nwachukwu.

The singer was known for her songs which are popular all over the country. Yet she never once spoke up about the abuse which she allegedly suffered at home throughout the duration of her marriage. Another recent case is that of a 46-year-old Chinyere, whose husband, Benjamin Ogudoro, allegedly set the house on fire with her and her younger brother, Ifeanyi Edoziem, still inside the building. There are still many cases which have not come to light and many women – and to a lesser extent men – who are suffering similar abuses in silence.

It is sad that these women are suffering in the hands of people who are supposed to protect them and show them love. These abuses range from rape, beatings, acid bath, psychological torment and most recently the setting ablaze of a female spouse and even death.

The rate of women suffering these violent abuses globally is as high as one woman in every three, according to data from the World Health Organisation (WHO). All of these cases of abuses which women face in the communities have become a cause for concern, resulting in many in spousal relationship worrying about their physical and mental safety when they get married.

It is of great concern that people continue to stay in these relationships and it is high time that people start to think about their wellbeing first before they try to keep their image and marriage intact. In a country like Nigeria where most people are highly spiritual, it is not unlikely to find that most people take their religious leaders as their spiritual parents and look up to them for guidance and advice in times of problems. The country with three main religions including Christianity, Islam and the Traditional Religious Belief System, it is not hard to find that these religions have numerous denominations under them.

These different denominations have different beliefs on different issues and it is commonplace for the followers of one denomination to staunchly believe in the doctrine of his faith. In essence, the stigmatisation of divorcees by the church is also another contributing factor to why many in toxic relationships continue to remain while parties choose to be silent as they suffer in silence. This puts these religious leaders in a position to help these people who are in toxic relationships by encouraging them to take the necessary decisions that just might solve their problems before it escalates into something that might begin to claim lives. In an interview conducted with a pastor, who chose to speak anonymously, he claimed that the Bible did not support divorce unless it was on the basis of adultery.

“There are deadlier vices than just adultery and when a partner in a marriage is already displaying one or more of these signs that could endanger the life of the other spouse, this particular doctrine serves as an excuse to keep remaining in such toxic relationships,” he said. “In the case of Osinachi Nwachukwu, people might ask why she continued to remain in such a marriage when she saw the signs that it was going sour and why she did not speak up so that she could get help. If we examined the society in which we live at the moment, the divorce rate locally, is already skyrocketing and it may not have been wrong to assume that someone with her many Christian followers would have wanted to keep the front of a happily married woman in front of her millions of fans.

“People might also wonder if losing her life might not be too much of a price to pay for keeping a marriage together, but psychologists have told us that when a partner in a once loving relationship starts getting abused, he or she still holds on to the belief that their partner will change. They believe this with all their hearts and keep staying on even when they are advised against it. “Any of these two scenarios might not have played out here but this does not change the fact that something ugly happened and we must now work on enlightening our society on the need to read the signs and get out before it is too late,” he added.

The President of the Women Arise Foundation, Dr. Joe Okei- Odumakin also spoke on the sad incident of the death of the gospel singer, Nwachukwu. “The death of the gospel artiste Osinachi Nwachukwu is a colossal loss to womanhood and this further diminished our humanity,” Odumakin said. She spoke further on the information filtering out that Nwachukwu had been going through domestic violence without speaking out or trying to get help from non-governmental organisations (NGOs) around. “Emerging revelations from the family members and confidants of the deceased indicate that she was into an abusive union.

“Her death could have been averted if she spoke out while alive and equally sought for the intervention of our organisation or other women’s rights protection NGOs. “Regrettably, she is no longer here on this side of eternity to share her experience while justice is being pressed against her alleged husband,” Odumakin expressed her sadness at the turn of events in the life of the gospel singer.

She also used the medium to encourage women in abusive marriages to speak up and save their lives before it becomes too late for even them to be able to relate their story to others so that they can learn from it. “These women should speak up because silence is not golden,” Odumakin admonished women who are still in such abusive marriages. Looking into the future, she said: “We see that our children are like their immediate role models. It is very easy to see a son who wants to also work in his fathers’ profession because of the feelings of attachment and love he feels for him. Raising children in this kind of environment is also very alarming. “In an interview conducted with one of the four children that Osinachi Nwachukwu gave birth to, her son said that his father kept telling him that it is good to beat women.

“This shows that remaining in such relationships does not only take a toll on the parents, but the children are also affected by this. It starts to make them think that abnormal behaviours are normal. “The future of the next generation needs to be looked into because if the pattern continues and they also end up becoming abusers or not speaking up, due to the way that they were brought up, this will be a big problem. It will be a generation where abuse will be the new normal and domestic violence will be embraced by all.

“It is up to everyone that has an influence to help add their voices to the fight against this social menace. Stigmatising those who run for their lives will only encourage the abusers to use that as an excuse to keep them from speaking out.”