We were already over 13 years in marriage and had completed having all our four biological children. There was a financial transaction that needed to go through a banking process. She called me on phone and I informed her about the financial transaction. My wife, Carol, screamed with words like, “NO. Why should you do something like that? I’m a banker with 14 years banking experience.”
(She was a banker) As she was about to angrily lecture me, I told her to be silent and listen to me. I said words like these, “Girlfriend listen to me. Stop issuing me verbal queries. I am your husband.” She kept quiet and I started telling her that she should not dare query me again. I told her that she should correct me in love and not queries. I concluded by telling her that no normal husband will like to be queried by the wife and that I will want our daughters to be loaded with this truth.
She apologized profusely and said, “It will never happen again.” She told me that she loves me so much and that she will always honour me as her husband. I replied by telling her that if she were physically present I would have held her, kissed her and swung her around. We laughed and that was the end of the matter. It was that day I finally knew that there is this spirit of leadership in a normal man that will make him to resist when his wife is querying him.
He can take a verbal or written query from his male boss in his place of work. He can take a verbal or written query from a female boss in his place of work, but he cannot take any form of query from his wife. The reason is that Ephesian 5:23 says “For the husband is the head of the wife.” When a husband does not behave wisely like I did, what a wife should do (which my wife, Carol started doing) is to supply her husband with her higher level of wisdom in a respectful and loving manner just as she would do to her boss in the office who is about to take a foolish decision.
If she has the temperament not to query her boss, then she should also cultivate the temperament not to query her husband. I am not saying that husbands should query their wives. A wise husband should not query his wife because the Bible says that she is his helper. You encourage your helper to keep helping you. Colossians 3:19 says, “But husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” What I am saying is that men should not issue their wives with verbal queries neither should wives issue their husbands with verbal queries.
As I finish writing this article, I will pick my phone and go to the marriage counseling WhatsApp page I share exclusively with my daughters. The page is nicknamed “Charlie’s angels.” I will advise them not query their men because no man enjoys being queried unless he has been “Jezebelized” or traumatized into submission. Love you.