Irrespective of what you see or hear about marriage, marriage is not meant to be feared. It is meant to be understood. At the altar on the wedding day, the vow that was taken stated: “I… Brother or Sister ABC, today promise to do ABC UNTIL DEATH DO US PATH.”
Today, marital vow is one of the vows that has been broken most, by parties that take them. Divorce and adultery rates are alarming. Why? Most people that take this vow do not understand the implications of what they say at the altar of God. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:21-22). When you make a vow before your creator, he expects you to fulfill the vow. He can never forget any covenant. The challenge is that many people think God is like a man that forgets.
This explains why divorcees and adulterers go through the predicament they undergo. They keep looking at and attempting to treat the symptoms of their marital crisis, ignoring the foundation. God is a permanently faithful God and he expects strict faithful compliance with any deal that involves him.
There are words you cannot use for your spouse irrespective of your level of provocation. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. When you use words like “useless man, useless woman, idiot, etc,” for your spouse, you are shooting a spiritual bullet while offending God by breaking your marital vow. You promised to love, to hold and to keep. Destroying your spouse with your tongue is not how to achieve this promise. You must watch your tongue when you are addressing your spouse. Another source of marital death is being carnally minded and walking in the flesh.
“God is a spirit and they that worship him must worship him IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH” (John 4:24). If you are averse to this scripture or do not believe it, I do not know how your marriage can be peaceful or successful as a Christian. Carnality and walking in the flesh means operating only with your senses. When you do this, you are full of yourself. When you are full of SELF, the Holy Spirit of the Lord Jesus cannot possess your heart and you will have to struggle with marital success. Jesus Christ said: “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). Denying your SELF to allow Jesus Christ possess your heart is the first step towards walking and living in the spirit. When this happens, your hunger to as priority, satisfy self, (the FLESH) will die.
“For they that are after the FLESH do mind the things of the FLESH, but they that are after the spirit the things of the spirit. For to be CARNALLY MINDED IS DEATH; but to be SPIRITUALLY MINDED IS LIFE and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then, they that are in the flesh CANNOT please God (Romans 8:5-8). Many marriages have died because of self, carnality and the quest by either of both parties to gratify the flesh.
When as a husband, you because of “a whole me” mentality, hold on to a position that does not amount to sin against God if you drop it, and you deliberately watch your marriage collapse over unnecessary contestation, you have failed to deny your SELF for Jesus to possess. Your spiritual title of pastor, deacon, GO, etc is useless in this matter if you have such titles. When as a wife, you make material request a condition for submitting your body to your husband’s sexual urge, you are walking in the flesh. Carnality and the urge to gratify the flesh produce adultery. Adultery remains a sin forever, as stated by the Bible even when it puts money in the pocket of the adulterer to “feed” his or her family. You see, so many marriages today are dead but assumed to be alive. For the sake of emphasis, they that are in the flesh CANNOT please God. Marriage cannot work when God is not pleased.
“For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die; but if ye through the spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the spirit of God, they are the sons of God” (Romans 8:13-14). So, you have a problem when you jettison the spirit of God. If as an unmarried person, physical appearance, sexual performance and financial capacity are the only tools you are using to search for a life partner, you are carnally minded and walking in the flesh. If as a wife, you do not care about your husband’s spiritual life as long as he provides money, you are carnally minded. If as a parent, your decision to endorse your daughter’s marriage suitor is based strictly on how much is in his pocket, you are carnally minded. When your decision regarding your family and marital relationship does not consider the Bible’s position or feelings concerning the decision, you are walking in the flesh. To be carnally minded in marriage means to live your life as if there is no heaven to make, as if God has changed his mind about the rules of engagement. It means living your life as if God has changed his mind about sin and its consequences, about heaven and hell fire, about eternal life and death.