IWD: Marriage, no barrier to be successful woman –Prof. Yusuff

• ‘IWD: Marriage doesn’t stop one to  be successful woman’

 

Sound deep, eloquent and friendly but firm are the adjectives that aptly describe Professor Olabisi Yusuff, the Head of Department of Sociology, Faculty of Social Sciences, Lagos State University. In this interview with OLUWATOSIN OMONIYI, in line with the celebration of the International Women’s Day, she encouraged women to live their full dreams, demand for their rights as it would not be given on a platter of gold. She believes that irrespective of barriers surrounding a woman, she can still be successful in her respective choice of career

 

March 8 is the International Women’s Day. “What really do women want” is a question that pops up every time. What do you think?

As I said earlier, women are the gatekeepers of culture and at the same time, they are the ones demanding for gender equality. Most of us socialise our female child and other women to maintain silence.

 

There’s what we know as ‘silence of culture’. So, we want our women to be silent and at the same time we also want them to fight for their rights for equality. That is why I asked “what exactly do women want” in the society?”

 

As long as they’re the gatekeeper and they are still socialising their female children to always maintain silence and not to fight for their rights, it will be virtually impossible to achieve equality.

 

Does that mean that we can’t really get that equality in our society compared to the developed world?

Not in this present generation. It might come but it will be very slow because our values are different from those in the developed countries. In the developed countries, they are taught to be independent and to always fight for their rights but in the developing world, we want out women to be submissive and that submissiveness has gone deep into every one of us.

 

We all have been socialised to believe that our primary existence in life is to get married, to have children. In fact, most women take a pride in being married and staying within that marriage irrespective of whether they are making it or not because they believe that is their number one achievement.

 

We have been socialised to believe that a woman that is not in her husband’s house or not in her matrimonial home is a failure. Matrimony comes first for women while achievement in the secular world comes first for men. So, they are two different things.

 

Our own achievement is based on the number of children we have, being married while men achievements are based on their positions in the secular world. That is where the problem lies.

For a woman to have her voice, do you think she has to pay a price for that?

 

Yes! She just has to be focused, move out from prescribed roles. Moving out from prescribed roles means she has to be determined, focused.

She must be able to identify what she wants in life, either she wants to stay married or…. you been successful doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get married; you been successful doesn’t mean you should be a divorced or been separated from your husband. You can get married and at the same time achieve your goals in life.

What if she is not being supported by her spouse, especially as we are in a male dominated environment and some of them are egoistic in nature?

 

Well, it depends on dialogue……that is the price most successful women usually pay because as I said earlier, men will want to use everything within their means to pull you back to the prescribed position.

 

Does it mean that our culture, societal values or norms wouldn’t give the room for women to succeed?

Yeah! Our society doesn’t give woman a position on the platter of gold. You have to fight for it.

You demand for your rights. It doesn’t come easy and from the on-front, if you have a supportive husband, it maybe a little bit easier for you but if you don’t have a supportive husband, that doesn’t mean you have to let your dreams die. You just have to keep trying convincing the man of your dreams. So, these are part of the prices that you have to pay…..

 

For been a successful woman?

Yes! For instance, I have a PHD student. She told me that her in-laws don’t know that she’s doing her PHD. If they should know, it would have been a problem for her in the house.

She said whenever the mother-in-law comes or anyone from the husband’s side comes around, she would have to pack all her books and lock it inside her personal wardrobe, so that there won’t be a trace of anything (textbooks/notes) for them to suspect that she is undergoing her PHD studies. So, there’s a price to pay. It is a big price to pay.

What is your view about women being at the top?

For example, you are at the echelon of your profession? I think it’s a good thing but one important thing is that when you are at the top, you must know what you’re doing.

 

You must be very vast, must keep up to information, and update yourself constantly. You being at the top should make you work harder than most men at the top. You should work twice what other men work, for them to know and to see your achievement.

 

Being at the top means you have to stay focused, be determined and you have to persevere and those qualities must show in you. People, mostly the opposite sex must know that you are good at your work; that you’re not just there on the platter of gold or sympathy but that you worked for it.

 

What would you say about women mentoring women?

 

It’s noticeable that women don’t really support themselves. Where does a woman mentorship comes in? That’s true! You know in this part of the world, as I said before,  women have problem with other women. You want to mentor women but women coming up do not want women leaders to mentor them.

 

They prefer men leaders to mentor them instead. I remember someone who wanted to do MSC. I told him do it and choose area of specialization from my own area, so that the conferences that I go, she will be able to write her paper.

 

She replied no, that she would rather prefer a particular area where there are men. Before now, I was the chairman, committee of female affairs in the faculty.

 

When I left, nobody was willing to take up my position. Later, when I become the chairman of Gender committee and when my tenure was about to end, I approached a fellow female colleague.

She said no, that she’s not interested because she doesn’t want problem. I don’t blame them. It means there are problem associated with those committees and if you are not sure of yourself and what you really want, they might pull you down because they might not support you.

 

As at now, I have left that position and no one is willing to take it up again.

 

How would you encourage women, mostly in the male dominated environment to go for their dreams without fear?

 

Yes! They have to demand for their rights. It will not be given to them on the platter of gold. You will not sit there and expect them to give it to you. If you know it is your right, go for it. If there’s an election, you as well should put yourself forward for the election because it would not ordinarily be given to you.

 

Even when people don’t believe in you?

 

Yes, you have to, until they believe in you. There will never be a time people will believe in you. It is for you to first believe in yourself.

 

You said something about women being keepers of culture. How come men don’t even observe some of these culture women observe? I

 

t is cultural; men dictate the culture

 

Are you saying the culture put women even at the background?

Yes! That is what I said. It is our culture, it is not scientific, it is just our culture. Men dictate and construct what women should do.

 

As the HOD, relating with students and lecturers, what would you say your relationship with them is like?

 

Hmmm, I think people sometimes accuse me of being emotional on the job; that I always introduce motherly affection into the job because I want everyone to be free.

 

Would you say that there are some challenging moments that are not pleasant?

Yes! For instance, especially among my colleagues. If you have an idea, a good idea or a new one, an innovative one, the first thing they would do is to attack you, like; “No, it’s not done that way; we won’t do it that way e.t.c.

That is usually the challenge. So, that means you must know what you’re doing. Sometimes, you would let it go at that moment. Another time, you would introduce it in a new way. You will always have your way if you know what you’re doing.

Same with students…..

Yes! Same thing with students. You know students are afraid of lecturers, most especially female lecturers but they are not really friends with me. They prefer to be friends with my male colleagues than being friends with me.

 

What are you doing to bridge the gap?

There is nothing you can do. It is still what we are talking about. I can’t force them. All I do is to go to the classroom, teach them but they would rather prefer to go with men than with women.

 

I’m sure you must have handled cases like sex for grade?

Yes, we did!

Do your male colleagues dislike your discipline?

Yes! They do. There was one that happened and I interviewed the girl. Being a woman, the girl came out and told me everything. Gradually, I realised that most of these young girls don’t actually know the difference between friendship and a lecturer.

But in the male perspective, there is nothing like friendship between a male and a female. If you are going out with a male, they believe it is all for sex but women on the other hand believe that ‘you are just friends’.

There should be no sex attached to it. So, after the celebrated case, I was the one who interviewed the girl and that was when I started hearing it was a setup, the other men started supporting their fellow man lecturer, claiming it was a setup. I said how can it be a setup? You took a girl from the classroom and said let’s go and wash a car. After washing the car, you took her to the hotel. So, did I ask you to take the girl to the hotel room, took her legs from the floor to the bed. So, how is that a setup?

In this type of case, men usually side themselves because most of them are culprits.

How do you handle your male lecturer regarding ‘sex for grades’ mentality?

 

I will always say everybody has a name, if you are caught. Sometimes, the young ones, I will always call them and say to them, ‘look, you have families; these students do not like you; they only come close to you because of what they will get from you. Immediately they graduate, nothing will happen. They will not even greet you.’

We have had cases where the university had to sack some lecturers because of sex. I told them that there are some students that are willing.

 

If they are willing, fine. That is consent but those that are not willing, leave them alone. I want you to remember your future; remember that this work is a career progression. In our profession, we move from one section to another. Do not let any student debar you from moving forward.

 

Finally, like I said, March 8 is ‘International Women’s Day and the theme is ‘equality today for sustainable tomorrow.’ What message do you have for women out there?

Well, I think we need to revalue ourselves. We need to always demand for our rights. God has given us potentials. Let all utilise those potentials and begin to support ourselves.

 

Women prefer to support men than supporting a fellow woman but for sustainable tomorrow, we need to support and encourage ourselves. Matrimony does not mean that you cannot get or display your full potentials.

 

There are two different things. Sometimes, matrimony comes to shorten your career progression and that is why most women tally behind. But by the time the children are growing up, then you have to start again.

 

Men will always be there before us but that does not mean that we have not been there. By the time your children have grown up, then you just have to go.