Chinyere Abiaziem 
Prophetess Joy Okechukwu is the Founder of the Leading Woman Prophetic International Ministry, which guides women on the path of destiny discovery and recovery. She also teaches them to start profitable businesses and management of their resources. She is married to the Senior Pastor of Grace Abode Miracle Ministry, Pastor Tony. In this interview with CHINYERE ABIAZIEM, she speaks on the roadmap to successful marriage, family life, balance and all-round fulfilment.
You are passionate about healthy marriages, what factors do you think are usually ignored that lead to broken marriages?
Fear of God, communication and commitment. Lack of fear of God, lack of communication and lack of commitment are factors that cause broken marriages. Marriage needs effective communication. Another cause is infertility, this will give birth to unfaithfulness and kill trust in a marriage. I will advise men to be there for their wives in times of waiting. No one gives a child. God is the giver of children and He has time for everything. Another thing that causes broken marriages is financial problems, you cannot put finance out of marriage, or challenges especially when there is no mutual understanding between the husband and wife.
Some file for divorce over what is considered irreconcilable differences. Is divorce truly an option or what is your take on divorce?
The Bible frowns at divorce. Jesus speaking in Matthew 19 verses 8 to 9 says ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.’ This is to tell people how dangerous it is. But looking at our society today a lot of people are facing violence in their marriages, and this is affecting them both emotionally and psychologically. For the sake of mental health and life, I will advise the couple to take a break for a while and not separate.
Once the matter has been taken to the altar, with families and friends involved, to avoid one going missing, we will advise for a break, a short break while family and friends support them in prayers. Also, the couples involved check their differences to come together to amend them. Romans chapter 8 verses 38 and 39 say, ‘For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come. Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ To couples, nothing should be enough to bring about separation. That is the work of the devil that cannot be God.
What road map truly exists for a successful marriage even in this age?
Proverbs Chapter 3 verses 5 and 6 say, ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.’ Marriage is a journey and it is a journey of two but when God is ahead of the marriage it is bound to be successful. Trusting God and putting Him ahead. Do not lean on your understanding. Many have failed, they believe they are professionals, learned and have all it takes. Such fellows will fall.
Never rush into marriage, study and understand what marriage is about. Read Christian books, attend marriage seminars, be counselled and know who is counselling you at a time, one cannot give what he or she does not have. It is important you know who your counsellor is. Allow the Holy Spirit to minister to you. Do not lean on your understanding.
The Bible also tells us in Matthew 6 verse 33, ‘but seek ye (first) the kingdom of God and his righteousness and every other thing will be added unto you.’ This includes marriage and the wisdom needed. The book of James says, if you lack wisdom ask of God, God is the giver of wisdom. Marriage is all about wisdom, understanding, love, knowledge, kindness and compassion. Couples should hand over their marriages to God, husbands should love their wives in all things and wives should submit in all things as it is in Christ. Also, there is a need to handle finance with the fear of God, maturity and understanding.
There are cases where women give up their dreams after marriage to care for their husbands and children, what advice do you have for women facing this struggle?
To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. Meaning that every event or experience in life has its own designated time. For your dream to come true, you both have to come together in mutual understanding, marriage is not to kill your dream as a woman, or as a man. Marriage adds that marriage is an advantage, not a disadvantage. All you need to do is for both of you respect/honour each other. The family is important which comprises the husband, the children, and others. What you need to do is to set a goal. Know the first and know the last. None will suffer when you come together to reason it out.
For young ladies going into marriage, marry your husbands. If you marry somebody who is not your husband you will be disappointed. If you marry your husband, your husband will know this is my body, there is no way I can harm my body but add to my body. Once you marry the right person the right things will come to you. He will agree with you. A woman has to set her priorities right while trying to achieve her dreams so that the peace of the family will not be affected. The family is important and your dream is important too. Put them one after the other. Marriage requires effective communication and understanding.
How do you see the several forms of discrimination, cultural, doctrinal barriers, etc.., that women face even in the ministry?
I think some men cannot stand seeing a woman being their superior. Yes, women are meant to be submissive, but talking about preaching the gospel not marriage, both male and female are called to win souls for Christ. Once you make yourself available, God is there to use you. It is not time for discrimination, both men and women are called to chase a goal which is soul-winning.
Women whose husbands are not pastors and probably have a call to start a ministry but are too afraid to do so. You are to begin from a place, you need to pastor with the Holy Spirit and your husband. Deborah as noted in the Bible was a prophetess. She was considered as the only female judge in the Old Testament. Playing a significant role in leading the Israelites against the Canaanites by acting as both a prophet and a judge. Delivering God’s messages providing leadership to the people and providing solutions to the people.
She was called by God to deliver the people and she was married. A woman can do it, but you must agree with your husband from the house. Your ministry starts from the house. If your husband is not called, let him know that you are called, you have to go to God, and the God who has called you will confirm it to him also. The ministry starts in your house with your husband.
Humility is needed and if your husband has the conviction that you are called there is no place you cannot succeed. But if you have not been able to put that right, it is going to be a failure because your first supporter is the Holy Spirit, and the next person is your husband. I have seen many women who are called into the ministry and their husbands were not called and today they are both doing the work for God, doing pretty well. He can be the administrator, you cannot do it alone, both of you have to do it with love and understanding.
In situations where the husband is not a believer or seems not to believe what the woman is doing, all she needs is to concentrate on the Holy Spirit looking forward to what God is going to do and having a good relationship with her husband even when he does not believe. By doing so the Holy Spirit will minister to him. I have encountered many women in the ministry, initially, their husbands were not with them but today they are together.
Mutual understanding is very important. You that is carrying the cross know what to do, remember he is not carrying the cross. You must know how to carry it and attract him to the path of what you are doing. Also make him understand it is an assignment, and the assignment has been given to both of you. Do not make him see it is your personal job or personal contract, if you do so it will cause problems. Present it with love, and prayers making him know that it is a task that has been given to both of you.
In conclusion, what is your comment on the state of the nation and your message to Nigerians?
My advice to Nigerians is to look up to God. For us to be able to overcome we must look up to God. This is not the first time, money is failing. Money failed in Egypt. Every country has its time of dryness. We have a season of eating and drinking and a season of waiting. Seasons of dryness and rainy season. There is abundance and scarcity. Everyone should put their hands together and look up to God. There is something we need to give to God for us to get what we are seeking and that is obedience to him.
